“Help yourself to the Mane ‘n Tail all you want, but you so much as LOOK at the Verticoli and I’ll straight up knock your block off!” -Chazz Michael Michaels, Blades of Glory.

I used horse shampoo all summer. Here’s my Mane ’n Tail tale.

In familiar circles, my hair has often been a topic of debate— I have considered myself blonde for the past 17 years, while my peers argue my hair has taken on a more brownish tint. Okay, I’m brunette.

Anyways, while finalizing a spotlight article featuring former Editor-in-Chief Allyson Heard for the newspaper last June, I began to complain that my hair had never grown past my shoulders. Movie connoisseur Mr. Madden overheard this complaint and dropped some knowledge he gleaned from his favorite comedy Blades of Glory, which references the product Mane ’n Tail for hair growth.

The movie features two professional male figure skaters, Chazz Michael Michaels (Will Ferrell) and Jimmy MacElroy (Jon Heder), who are forced to live together in a tight cabin while training for their next competition. Not fond of each other, Michaels and MacElroy quickly set boundaries, including who has permission to use specific hygiene products. MacElroy soon discovers that Michaels uses Mane ’n Tail horse, yes HORSE, shampoo to achieve his long, luscious locks that always look stunning while he performs majestic ice skating routines.

Could I too achieve such impressive locks as Chazz Michael Michaels?

A cursory search onYouTube of other Mane ’n Tail users yielded positive feedback about the shampoo, with many claiming that their hair had grown 2 inches in just one month. Convinced, I purchased both the shampoo and conditioner on Amazon for just $22. Two days later, my Mane ’n Tail journey began the first week of summer 2018. 

Don’t freak out. The product is safe to use on human hair. The label clearly provides directions for animal and human use. For humans, it’s as easy as wash, rinse, and repeat everyday for guaranteed growth. Following three simple steps seemed easy enough for a fool like me to manage.

The product didn’t have that fresh fruit aroma as many others do, but rather smelled like soap used to wash cars instead of human hair. I struggled in my attempts to squeeze the thick, cream-colored product out of the heavy bottle. But, once applied to my hair, the shampoo bubbled and felt tingly on my scalp, which I assume meant a deep clean. The conditioner felt as if it were rejuvenating my hair as well.

The excitement continued to build throughout using the product. Unfortunately, 4 weeks into the journey, I noticed my hair felt as dry as the Mojave desert. I decided to ignore this troubling detail, and continued using Mane ’n Tail. I thought I began to see a difference, but my family members and friends disagreed. 

With only 2 weeks left of summer, the challenge was almost complete when an unexpected turn of events occurred. As I brushed my hair, a rather large clump fell to the ground. I was struck with intense shock as more fell to the ground with each brush. Irony set in as I soon discovered that Mane ’n Tail had not grown my hair, but had actually made it fall out. Extremely disappointed with the results, I discontinued using the shampoo and conditioner. I then purchased new shampoo and conditioner by Maui, a specialized brand to restore moisture and health to damaged hair.

While the idea of growing my hair out longer than it had ever been before was appealing, Mother Nature disagreed and proved that I should grow my hair naturally like the rest of the human population. After almost going bald, I will never use Mane ’n Tail products again. 

I mean, look at this travesty.

WAIT. STOP. HOLD YOUR SCHOOL iPADS. Ignore everything I just said about having dry hair, the bad scent, and blah blah blah. After recently browsing through some old pictures on my phone, I came across the first documented picture of my hair right before I started using Mane ’n Tail. I literally almost dropped my phone when I realized how short it was compared to August, just within two months of using the product.

With these incredible results (that I didn’t realize until just now), I am 100 percent going to start using Mane ’n Tail again, despite the risk of baldness at the ripe age of seventeen.