Zach Specht, entertainer, manager, investor?


Reece Jones


Senior Infowars frequent flyer Zach Specht will be taking his repertoire of talents to Bloomsburg University this fall to study political science.

Specht basically has his entire life planned out already. After graduating Bloomsburg, Specht will pursue a business idea that he came up with during an AP stats class. His can’t miss business idea will not specifically be disclosed in this article because he does not want anyone to steal it.

“It will be an easy patent and I don’t want anyone to steal my ideas and future wealth. I don’t want some snowflake from high school to be rolling in my affluence. You know what they say, if you’re not there for the depression, don’t expect to be there for the prosperity,” Specht said.

Specht doesn’t plan on inventing anything new, he plans on expanding the brand of a game because he feels that the popularity could sky-rocket.

“My idea is popular among northern Yankees, but I feel that it has appeal and could gain interest in the eyes of the rest of the country as well,” Specht said.

Specht is known for being a highly touted and credible sabermetrician for the Bangor Park Summer League. He will be entering his second year performing advanced math stuff in the league’s commissioner’s office.

“I learned everything I know from the Greek God of statistics, Mr. Berger. My favorite part about working up at the park is getting yelled at by 50-year-old men who think the score is wrong. I also enjoy when people ask me how many points they scored after their team lost by 56,” Specht said.

Specht spends the little free time that he has playing in the illustrious rock band known as Document 5. Specht is the group’s lead singer and backup drummer, but can fill the void at any instrument if someone were to go down with an injury. Document 5 is known for their covers for a vast array of bands ranging from Rush to Kenny Rogers.

“Document 5 is my calling. The band mates are lifelong friends and I can’t wait to go on tour in Stockholm, Sweden. I seriously considered putting my academic career on hold to follow my dream of being the singer/backup drummer in a rock band,” Specht said.

Specht will most likely go on tour after his business idea explodes. That way he will be able to retire at the age of 25 and tour with Document 5 for the rest of his life.