5 exercises you can do without getting off the couch

Published: Issue 5, Volume 53

Amelia O'Brien, Editor

 

According to the ever credible Wikipedia, most people define binge watching as viewing two to six episodes of a TV show in one sitting. That is weak. As a seasoned viewer you should feel insulted that two to six episodes could even be considered binge watching. You are definitely capable of so much more than that. You also know you should probably get in shape with prom season approaching quicker than the next episode of Shameless will take to load. With this exercise regimen you can do both. Save yourself the guilt of not exercising and try these five full proof exercises that won’t even feel like exercising!

Remote Stretch: To get loose and stretched out before you get to work, toss your TV remote a little more than an arm’s length away and try reaching for it. Attempt to reach it without getting up from the couch (which should not be a challenge for you).

If you need extra motivation, flip to a channel you dislike so that you know that when you reach that remote you can return to the enthralling episode of The Walking Dead you were just watching. Once you get the remote, toss it a little further than last time. After doing this about three times, you’ll be flexible enough to proceed with the rest of the exercises.

Thumb-ups: After completing the last exercise begin flipping through the channels with the remote you worked so hard to obtain. Thumb ups are just like push ups for your thumb. This exercise makes it easy to go surfing through channels. No need to worry about sand in your hair because you don’t even need to leave your seat. For every channel you click through you can burn as much as one calorie. In only a thousand clicks you have already burned off that Big Mac and shake from earlier. If you want to mix it up you can work all your other fingers too. And, if you want a real challenge, work with multiple fingers at the same time. As a bonus this is a surefire way to become a thumb war champ.

Eyecep Curls: They are like bicep curls, but for your eyelids. Try three groups of twenty reps, for each eye. If you really want to mix it up you can do one eye at a time or both together. Each eyecep curl (or more commonly known as blink) will burn about 1/1000th of a calorie, so you only have to do a thousand reps to burn off a calorie. Only 424,000 more and you have already burned off that bag of buttery movie theater popcorn. Don’t get disheartened by that large number: you can do this exercise while doing other activities. By the time you are done with this exercise your eyelids will be ripped and you will be the best blinker you know.

Cardio: Take a lap… to the kitchen. Okay the title is a lie, you will need to get up for this one. Although you will need to leave your comfort zone (AKA the couch) for this exercise, keep your goals in mind and remember this hard work will pay off in the end when you return to your couch with a hot fudge sundae and a big bag of potato chips.

Yawn: As a warm down try a breathing exercise. Open wide and take the deepest breath you can, and let it out. Yawning helps increase the oxygen intake into your body, helping cool you down after your rigorous workout.

Now take a nap, eat some food, watch some TV, and enjoy the results* of your hard work.

* Results may vary. This regimen is not right for everyone so consult your physician before beginning this exercise program. Side effects may include obesity, fatigue, weight gain, and increased overall laziness.